"Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it."
I don't like to complain (although I loooooove to whine ;)) and I try to keep my head up about things that I can't control even if I worry myself to death about a situation. Since becoming an Army spouse I have realized that keeping a positive outlook on life is KEY! There are so many things that I cannot control in my day-to-day life such as where I live, what doctors I can see, how many non-military friends I can HAVE AT MY HOUSE because I live on an installation....ugh, and the list goes on. I mean, my husband has a curfew and cannot enter certain trendier spots in town which also limits what I am able to do and on top of it all I don't even know what is in my future.
My husband could be sent anywhere and everywhere, and as a spouse so can I. Normally, I am all for adventure and am the first one to get my travel shoes on, but there are times when it hurts. It hurts me that I can't be home for the holidays, that my family grows up without me, my friends go through life, and I am thousands of miles away. I can get through the general feelings of sadness just fine though, because I have learned to adapt and keep my head on my shoulders. But then there are times that it doesn't just hurt; it kills me.
In just a couple of months I will be leaving South Korea. I will be leaving my husband and heading back stateside to start graduate school. I hate even typing it and I DO NOT like thinking about it. It has been a fact that since my husband and I met, I would one day be going on to graduate school, and it has also been a fact that we would most likely have to be apart during some of this time. It was so much easier when it was a "someday", and even once I had applied there was always the chance that I wouldn't get accepted anywhere. When I did get in, and when I was offered a sweet deal to a great university...the reality that I would be leaving for school in the fall began to set in. Because of where Army bases are located in the U.S. and because of the nature of my husband's job, there was only ever the smallest and tiniest of chances that he and I would be able to stay together while I pursued my graduate education.
And now...I'm the one that's going away not him. VOLUNTARILY.
Accepting the offer to attend graduate school has made me feel selfish and headstrong. In general it has caused me so much grief since the euphoria of my acceptance letter wore off that I've just sort of felt numb about it since then and I have refused to talk about it with my husband. I feel like a kid that is pulling the covers over her head to block out the monsters in the night, and every day that passes by feels like a treasure slipping out my hands.
So now that I have laid it all out there how exactly am I dealing it?
Well I have been embracing EVERY SINGLE DAY in Korea and have been doing my best to make intentional and memorable experiences with my husband. I try to show him how much I love him and appreciate him because he is sacrificing so much for me to go after my dreams. Rich loves me like the stuff in fairy tales and he honestly can't stand to be away from me. When we first met and he deployed to Iraq, I remember him telling me how much it hurt him and he described it like a physical ache to miss me. I remember how his face lit up over Skype when I would first come into view. I remember the long tearful calls to each other when he was sent away during the first months of our marriage, and I remember how big and cold our bed seemed without him.
Wait...I thought I was supposed to be detailing how I'm coping, haha. Ok, back on track! So I have just been making sure to take stock of the love I have and haven't been taking a thing for granted. My husband believes in me and because of that: I know I will NOT fail. I have been reflecting on what I am giving up to achieve the goal of a doctorate, and it has made me realize how hard I will need to work to make leaving my husband WORTH IT. My fire for school has never burned brighter and the reason has changed from my undergraduate years. I used to go to school because I loved it. Now I will go to school, I will excel, I will teach, I will thrive, and it will be because I LOVE Rich. My motivations have changed and I know that this shift in mindset will be what pushes me and ensures that I do not tire, complain, or give up on this dream that my husband and I have nourished.
That is how I cope through the love of a good man.
Has there ever been a time in your life that you have just thrown your hands up in the air and uttered, ORLY? I know I have, but what about you? How have you coped with your situation and how did you feel when you came out the other side?
P.S. I also cope through listening to Taylor Swift because old habits die hard.